I Will Never Leave You…

So, when I left you all last, I was getting ready to begin my finals. I mentioned that a lot was on the line regarding my grades. A ‘C-‘ in nursing school is failing. I had a C in one class going into the final, so I was very worried. This was the class that gave me the most stress all semester. The new curriculum at my school has really tested me. All this time I was trying my best to get myself out of this hole. But as I mentioned in my last post, I had to take a step back and realize that I need to just leave all my worries in the hands of my Savior.

While I had much worry and stress going into finals week, I had peace. I could feel my friends praying for me. I could feel that the Lord was with me. Before taking my finals, I prayed. To my surprise I felt really calm while taking these finals. I knew that whether good or bad, God would take care of me. It was the sweetest feeling. Nothing quite like that sweet peace God gives you in the midst of some of the most stressful times.

After taking the finals, I left feeling confident. When I saw that I got an ‘A’ on my Patho Pharm final, I couldn’t help but rejoice. Trying to learn 92 drugs for that final was stressful and tiring, but it all paid off! God was with me through it all. My last final was the final that was the most crucial because of the grade I had in it, as stated above. This class and the professor may be the worst I’ve ever had. The professor even told me to my face that I was, “A bad test taker.” Each exam I studied harder and harder just to find myself hitting my head up against the wall, getting nowhere, doing no better. Her words made my confidence slip and made part of me want to just give up, whether I realized it or not. When I found out that the final for that class was my highest grade from all my finals, all I could do was smile and thank my God. At this moment I felt happy, yet so unworthy of these good grades that only God could have given me. I have failed Him countless times, yet He continues to be merciful and take me back each time. I give Him all the glory for my successes. They would be worth nothing if it weren’t for Him.

Lately I have been praying about many things regarding my life and future. I am a big worrier, I must admit. I like to be in control (who doesn’t!). However, the past week God has given me an indescribable peace about my future. I realize I don’t need to worry about it, because God has it all in His hands. He has it already planned out. He knows best. All I had to do was come to terms with that fact and have faith in Him. And honestly, it is such a relief! It’s so amazing! Yeah, it’s sometimes easy for my flesh to step in form time to time and forget that, but nevertheless, it’s all still true.

Within just the past few weeks I feel like I have grown so much in Him. There is no better joy in the world than having a relationship with God. Even though it sounds simple, God never leaves us, even though we might leave Him sometimes. It’s one thing to believe it, but its another thing to live by it and put complete trust in Him. 

Finding My “Type”

Coming from a young woman who has never had a real boyfriend, relationship or even her first kiss, dating is a topic that certainly doesn’t hit close to home. However, as I grow older I learn more and more about when/if that day happens, how it should happen and why.

Of course as a young girl I always day dreamed of that knock-you-off-your-feet moment when Prince Charming comes and steals your heart for life and live happily ever after. As many people know, many times it doesn’t happen that way. To this day it is still something that seems ideal in my mind, but not completely realistic.

Throughout high school I figured my time would come to find that special guy who would sweep me off my feet, but that moment never came. I began to ponder if something was wrong with me, if it was my looks or my personality. I began to pray for my future husband. And while these things still sometimes run through my mind, as a college sophomore, I now realize there is something much bigger that controls when/if I ever have a relationship with a man… God.

I have recently came to the conclusion that not all relationships start as relationships. Many start with a simple friendship. The older I get, the more this fact seems ideal and realistic. Jumping right into something with someone you hardly know is a recipe for disaster, unless God of course is leading the relationship from the very beginning.

Although this post is about relationships, I don’t want you all to think that’s what I’m obsessed with. My desire is for the Lord’s will to be fulfilled in my life. A relationship can seriously affect one’s desire to follow God in a positive or negative way, and I pray that God will just guide me where He would have me to be. Without God’s guidance, it’s like driving a car blindfolded. There would be no clear purpose or reasoning for a relationship other than pure selfishness.

Many people have often asked me what I look for in a potential boyfriend. Of course we all have our own “types”. But my “type” has changed over my lifetime. It has varied from looks, to material things, to the amount of education he may have. Now I can honestly say none of those things really matter as long as he is man who loves the Lord. His looks don’t matter (hygiene does! Hahaha), his job, his level of education and everything else that will one day fade away doesn’t amount to anything in the great scheme of things. I want a man who chooses the Lord’s will above all else. One who will choose going to church over going to work on Sunday. One who will be a good spiritual leader in a family. A humble spirit and a kind heart. A man who respects and trusts The Lord. A man who loves The Lord more than he will ever love me.

It is sometimes easy to get impatient with God and his timing for the right one, but He knows what He’s doing. He has a perfect plan for all of His children and knowing that fact makes it easier to wait. Whatever His plan for my life, I will be grateful and thankful. Until that time arrives, I will continue to pray for my future husband and praise my God for His many blessings. It is simply amazing to know that God, the one with the most power holds all our worries and cares in His hands. 💜

Filled With a Burden

It has been a while since I have posted anything. June has been a really busy month and this past week my church has been in revival. We have had some good services  and messages from both our revival helper and our new pastor. We have also had some lost seeking the Lord. After church just about each night my family would discuss the service, how they felt, what the sermon was about, etc. Throughout the week I, personally had felt something was off at church. The preachers seemed to be enjoying themselves, but I just felt like something was in the way. I discussed it with my mother and she felt the same way. We were both discouraged by the lack of obligation that some of the church members had to the church, letting it overtake our attention during some of the services. 

On Saturday night our new pastor, Jonathon Elliott preached from the 51st Psalms. It was a Psalm of David asking the Lord to forgive him of depth of sin he had got himself in. He lusted after Bathsheba and she ended up pregnant. He then sought after her husband to have him return from battle so the people would believe the baby was her husband’s rather than David’s. That plan failed, as Bathsheba’s husband felt that it was his duty to fight in the battle and did not return to her. David then created a plan that would have her husband killed in battle so he could marry Bathsheba. David had to keep going deeper and deeper into sin to cover the first one. Each sin led him farther and farther away from God. He lost the joy of his salvation. In the 51st Psalm David was calling out and repenting of his sins to the Lord. He felt much guilt over all the sin he had done. He had to come to a place of confession. Our pastor then mentioned something regarding confession that has stuck with me. Confession is when our heart and soul is in alignment with God about the matter we are guilty about. When David reached this point his sins and confessed to God, his joy was then restored. 

This sermon really hit home because I have experienced this kind of prayer with the Lord. As I grow older, I learn my weaknesses regarding sin and Satan loves to bring those to my attention and tempt me. I have sometimes thought that I had gotten so deep that the Lord would never forgive me, however, I was so very wrong. The Lord is always wanting to forgive sins. He wants us to be in good standing with Him so He can use us. Psalms 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” He will forgive us of any sin as long as we come to him with humble, sorrowful hearts, and a contrite spirit. We have to be in almost the same place as when we were seeking for the salvation of our souls. I have such a strong desire to be a humble servant for God in any way He would use me. It is the least I could offer Him after giving His son to die on the cross for my sins.

With this being said, I have had a tremendous burden for the past few weeks for my church and other sister churches as well. Like I said earlier, my church just called a new pastor. He is being ordained in a few weeks and is trying to move here to Indiana from Missouri, so he is unable to be with us on a full time basis right now, but I absolutely cannot wait for when he can be. I so desire for Friendship to grow in both numbers and closeness. Throughout the past few years we have slowly given up various activities due to the business and lack of interest of members. Since then our fellowship has very much decreased. I so badly desire for the church to grow together and be willing to put aside the things of this world (work, sports, etc.) and take up each of our crosses and bear them together. I desire for us to start putting the Lord first in our lives so the lost may see how wonderful it is to be a child of the King. I desire for us to spend time together not only studying God’s word, but just to enjoy each other’s company and friendship. We are a church, a family, and the lost needs to see that if we want to see them saved. The community and our sister churches need to see that, or our church will not grow. I long for us to be the church that we were 5-10 years ago. It is much harder for people to all take time out of their busy schedules today, but we owe it to God. I was thinking the other day that I would not call into work unless I was deathly ill. I am always worried about making a bad impression on my manager or doing something wrong that could get me fired. But then I thought, however, when I am lazy or tired, I may decide to skip church. Why do we put so much obligation into our worldly jobs rather than our spiritual ones? Being a member of the church is a job. It is our obligation. We should worry about making a good impression on our Manager upstairs. He can punish us worse than the manager at our worldly jobs can, right? I pray that we will all get our priorities straight, me included. 

This is where I go back to the sermon I talked about from the 51st Psalm. We all have sins to confess and be forgiven of just like David did. None of us are perfect, but we have been so graciously blessed by our Heavenly Father and we need to try our best to be more like Christ. We need to die daily of ourselves and do His will. We have His blood written on our hearts. We are so undeserving of His love and mercy, but He gives it anyway. I am so thankful that our Lord is so merciful and good. 

I hope once we get settled and have our new pastor here that we can truly start taking steps forward. I would love to see my church and churches all over the world break out into a true spiritual revival. If we don’t make a change soon, it may never happen.