Finding My “Type”

Coming from a young woman who has never had a real boyfriend, relationship or even her first kiss, dating is a topic that certainly doesn’t hit close to home. However, as I grow older I learn more and more about when/if that day happens, how it should happen and why.

Of course as a young girl I always day dreamed of that knock-you-off-your-feet moment when Prince Charming comes and steals your heart for life and live happily ever after. As many people know, many times it doesn’t happen that way. To this day it is still something that seems ideal in my mind, but not completely realistic.

Throughout high school I figured my time would come to find that special guy who would sweep me off my feet, but that moment never came. I began to ponder if something was wrong with me, if it was my looks or my personality. I began to pray for my future husband. And while these things still sometimes run through my mind, as a college sophomore, I now realize there is something much bigger that controls when/if I ever have a relationship with a man… God.

I have recently came to the conclusion that not all relationships start as relationships. Many start with a simple friendship. The older I get, the more this fact seems ideal and realistic. Jumping right into something with someone you hardly know is a recipe for disaster, unless God of course is leading the relationship from the very beginning.

Although this post is about relationships, I don’t want you all to think that’s what I’m obsessed with. My desire is for the Lord’s will to be fulfilled in my life. A relationship can seriously affect one’s desire to follow God in a positive or negative way, and I pray that God will just guide me where He would have me to be. Without God’s guidance, it’s like driving a car blindfolded. There would be no clear purpose or reasoning for a relationship other than pure selfishness.

Many people have often asked me what I look for in a potential boyfriend. Of course we all have our own “types”. But my “type” has changed over my lifetime. It has varied from looks, to material things, to the amount of education he may have. Now I can honestly say none of those things really matter as long as he is man who loves the Lord. His looks don’t matter (hygiene does! Hahaha), his job, his level of education and everything else that will one day fade away doesn’t amount to anything in the great scheme of things. I want a man who chooses the Lord’s will above all else. One who will choose going to church over going to work on Sunday. One who will be a good spiritual leader in a family. A humble spirit and a kind heart. A man who respects and trusts The Lord. A man who loves The Lord more than he will ever love me.

It is sometimes easy to get impatient with God and his timing for the right one, but He knows what He’s doing. He has a perfect plan for all of His children and knowing that fact makes it easier to wait. Whatever His plan for my life, I will be grateful and thankful. Until that time arrives, I will continue to pray for my future husband and praise my God for His many blessings. It is simply amazing to know that God, the one with the most power holds all our worries and cares in His hands. 💜

When Dreams Come True

It’s no secret that many women and a good number of men have that wonderful dream of marriage and a family at some point in their futures. We may picture ourselves with a perfect looking spouse, with whom we have an extraordinary relationship, in our big two-story home surrounded by a white picket fence with our children playing in the yard. Society paints this unrealistic picture in our minds and hearts of what to expect and hope for in our futures. People are highly influenced by such exploitations created by society and when marriages fail and families crumble, they wonder what was the problem. The lack of Jesus is the reality of it.

Throughout my life my parents, grandparents and good friends have told me to pray for a God-fearing spouse. To let the Lord’s will be done. As I grow older I find myself praying more about a future spouse, and even for him. A good friend of mine encouraged me to read a book about a year ago called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy. In this book the author discusses her personal story of trying to fulfill her own dreams of a spouse and failing. In the end she turns it all over to the Lord to let His will be done in her life. She states that we should put God first in our lives and have a wonderful relationship with Him before we go and search for a relationship with a man (or in a guy’s case, a woman). We should be so content with our relationship with our Heavenly Father that we would even be satisfied if it was not in His will for us to marry. I long to be able to feel this way.

As I get older I become more and more anxious to find that perfect man for myself. I find myself daydreaming about the future, marriage, and, more recently, children. Now that I am in college I sometimes catch myself creating a timeline for my life–“I need to be married by 23, have my first child by 26” and so on. I find myself becoming more self conscious about the way I act and look in order to possibly look attractive to someone. This is where Satan tries to pull us away through such things like the media. We start putting outward looks and prideful things before God. We start to make idols out of fashion icons, celebrities and the feelings of others in order to get ahead in the world. In the ninth chapter of Luke it states, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels.” I am certainly guilty of this and have come to this realization just recently through another book I started of Leslie Ludy’s- Set Apart Femininity. I feel silly admitting that, but many of us do it, right? We are in a rush to get things done in our own time. We are willing to sacrifice our morals and beliefs in order to make ourselves feel better. The reality is, we need to step back and let God’s will be fulfilled in our lives. He is ultimately the one in charge.

I mentioned the book I am reading, Set Apart Femininity. It has truly opened my eyes of many things I need to change in my own life to prepare for a future relationship if God allows it. Many times women get caught up in looks and comparing themselves to other women. There are plenty of beautiful women out there that any guy would love to call their spouses or significant others. Sometimes I catch myself getting caught up in all of the latest styles and fashions to attempt to make myself appear beautiful on the outside (sometimes it’s just a hobby!). However, I don’t want a guy to love me because he may think I’m physically beautiful. I want him to think I’m beautiful because God’s love shines within me and throughout my life. Because I am a humble servant and put my Heavenly Father before all else and try to follow His will regardless of the circumstances. And I want to think my future husband is handsome because of the same reasons.

Although I dream about a wonderful future with a Godly man and a family, I don’t want it unless it is of God. If it isn’t, I know it won’t last or be fulfilling. When we try to step in and try to take decisions into our own hands, that’s when they begin to become a mess. We are imperfect, therefore we need to leave our worries and hopes to the Master. He is the creator of all things good and we should thank Him for such things. “With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.” Mark 10:27